Sounds like you’re following your mothering instincts and doing what’s best for your family. I also attachment parented my three sons and I wouldn’t change a thing. Parenting is lovely and tough and fulfilling and exhausting no matter how you do it. I’m glad you’re listening to yourself. You’ll have plenty of time to go to all the things. Great post! I wish I’d read this 20 something years ago when I thought I was the only person in the world who felt this way.
I’m so sorry you felt you were the only one and that’s the trouble with attachment parenting, it’s all still very taboo and hush hush. I hope the circle of mothers who parent this way grows so we can feel more supported in our choices. Thank you so much for reading, Danielle! ❤️
It really is. This post definitely didn’t need to be so long but it helps to get it out there 😂 thank you again for reading, I really appreciate it. ❤️
I think it’s beautiful that you have, so early on in motherhood, discovered what you value and follow that without feeling conflicted or being judgemental/morally righteous towards others who choose another way.
In general I think it would be ideal if we could all decide to stop trying to put ways of parenting neatly into labeled boxes and instead just quietly do what feels right to us while allowing others to do the same, since I don’t think anyone will ever fit neatly into any box, no matter how it’s labeled.
THIS: if we could all decide to stop trying to put ways of parenting neatly into labeled boxes and instead just quietly do what feels right to us while allowing others to do the same.
You hit the nail on the head, I couldn’t agree more. Thank you so much for this and for reading so mindfully. <3
Similar choices here, especially around EBF up to 6m and nursing to sleep (2y and counting!) You’re not alone! The decision to put our babies fundamental needs front and center are not without cost, but are easy to make when we’re at peace with them. As long as it makes sense for you and your family, nobody else has anything to do with it.
Loved loved this Marina, and felt so much of it. Sometimes I wonder if the martyr mother trope was built to make mothers feel bad for prioritising against the “status quo” in a society that doesn’t support it well. As Jennie said — always here to remind you’re not alone in these choices — but my gosh do I appreciate it can be isolating! Big hugs 🤍
Thank you so much, Kiya! I know you’re another one of my mirrors when it comes to nurturing our babies endlessly. You just summed up my post in the most Kiya way and now I think we need a post from you on your perspective on the martyr mother vs the status quo 😉🫶
Mirror here for you! 3 years into this way of parenting. I didn't have a night away from my baby for 14m and that was fine for me, a season, which I mostly treasured although it was hard. No I can easily go away for a night, or two but mostly I don't want to. I still love cuddling my lad to sleep.
It's sounds like you're doing an excellent job of leaning in to what's right for you and your baby. Big love 💚
Thank you so much for sharing your experience! The ones that get it really get it and it’s so helpful to hear from other moms who have done it this way. I’m glad you’re slowly getting a little bit of freedom here and there. Thank you so much for the kind words and for reading. ❤️
Marina I felt all of this. We are in each others head this week. I am 2+ years down the line of mothering in this way. Please never feel alone in your parenting choices. If you ever need that validation - ya gurl is here for it! 🩷
I appreciate you so very much for that. When I write posts like this, I think, at least Jennie gets it. I can’t wait to read more about your perspective on this because I’ve only gone so far down this road, I don’t totally know what happens as my baby gets older and how all of this changes.
Thank you for being my mirror and my guide for what happy, healthy and loving looks like ❤️
As an introvert… I’m not sorry to say, that this mother who always went kicking and screaming to social events pre-children and that I almost always enjoyed immensely, snuggling with a baby at home is beyond compare. I send my social husband out in my stead too. I have carried a baby to weddings… and danced with my kids and husband at them into the night… some of the best memories are caught there. But I’ll take being covered by kids and reading a story aloud to them any day of the week… in fact, that’s what I love most about homeschooling them. But I outsource math and anything that involves arts and crafts. 😂🫠
It’s okay to be you, beautiful mama. I found a new pediatrician after having inane arguments with our old one. I take them to an integrative pediatric clinic now, and my own doctor is now a naturopathic doctor and one of the most fun and understanding, flexible women I’ve ever met. She regularly affirms my choice to breastfeed my toddler… which at this point is thinking will continue til she’s three - and she’s assured me that the milk changes with the little ones needs. Right up to six! (I can’t imagine that - but I’ll stick with it for now.) To each her own, I say. It’s very refreshing to read someone who even acknowledges that people are different. Because they are. We are an infinitely fascinating and diverse race, humans… if we can only stop to see and listen and enjoy with curiosity those differences rather than get defensive. I think you’re doing that well. And it’s admirable.
Thank you so much for reading this so thoughtfully, Brenna! Perhaps it’s time for me to find a new pediatrician because it’s so important to feel like our network understands and supports how we parent. I appreciate your kind words so much! ❤️
I love the confidence in this. You seem so grounded in this decision. I tried all sorts of things before realizing I needed to take a career pause and just be with my baby. Now I can’t imagine spending my days any other way. I would miss him so much. I feel like the way to be the best parent for our children is to listen to ourselves and intuition and shut out the noise.
We are yet to use a babysitter after about a year of parenthood, but I invite people over a lot. The outside world can wait, and having friends drop by and serving them takeout helps me feel connected to the world. I have new SAHM friends or acquaintances after a few months of working on it, but I don’t want to fully lose the connection to pre baby friends either.
Friendships in this season take work and I don’t believe anyone who says their social life didn’t change after having a baby. But real friends also don’t disappear just because you’re at your social capacity for a season of life. I love that you’re compromising by inviting friends over, that’s a great happy middle. And I’m sure the people who love you love watching you be a mom. ❤️
I'm so sorry you haven't found local community who are also attachment parents—hoping for you that this essay will bring you some! Everything you described is totally normal and luckily for me as a mother, was normalized to me long before I ever became a parent. I have had friends who parent like me and friends who don't, but mostly, friends who do. Having a community of other cosleeping, breastfeeding moms who understand closeness and why it matters AND why it feels right certainly makes it a lot easier, especially in these early years. So really hoping that they find their way to you <3
Thank you so much, Carrie! The comments on this post have already given me so many new mirrors and a new circle of moms I wish I could surround myself with in real life. I really appreciate your kind words and I appreciate you sharing your experience! ❤️🥹
This is how I was, too. It's understandable and there will be nights out and things to do later. It's a short time in your life, and I get not wanting to leave a baby and worry about them needing you do you can say, go to a restaurant. The stakes don't feel the same.
Exactly, the stakes absolutely don’t feel the same. The parents who do it this way get it. Thank you for making me feel less alone in this parenting style. <3
I did a lot of the same things! It was hard for me to just shoehorn the baby into life and I didn’t love going out anyway. I will say, if you value your relationship with those who are inviting you out to things, you might want to say yes on occasion. Eventually they stop asking and you stop coming to mind when they plan stuff. Maybe you don’t care that much, maybe you’ll make new friends, maybe you are sure you can reconnect later. Losing touch is normal but sometimes you look around and wonder where did everyone go?
Totally get this! We’ve started to suggest plans that we know we can make it to so that we don’t become social hermits who never see anyone. We love going places during the day, just as long as we can all go. I’m all for saying yes, it just might be a different kind of yes than it hard to be, and ideally before 5pm lol. 🫶
this was so beautiful. and brave. and generously informative. i'd never thought about parenting like this and i loved hearing how your fears, hesitations and hang-ups about this style of parenting were the same as mine. it was really eye-opening to learn how you've embraced what works for you and your family and how good that feels. it made me feel really happy for you too <3
Thank you so much! This style of parenting isn’t for everyone and there’s likely a hybrid version of all of this. Like so many have echoed in the comments, it’s all about what works for you and your family. Appreciate you! 🫶
Loved this read, Marina! really relate to the mix of joy and FOMO... something I literally grapple with everyday. I continue to admire how you’ve embraced this stage fully...knowing it won’t last. You are the best!
Sounds like you’re following your mothering instincts and doing what’s best for your family. I also attachment parented my three sons and I wouldn’t change a thing. Parenting is lovely and tough and fulfilling and exhausting no matter how you do it. I’m glad you’re listening to yourself. You’ll have plenty of time to go to all the things. Great post! I wish I’d read this 20 something years ago when I thought I was the only person in the world who felt this way.
I’m so sorry you felt you were the only one and that’s the trouble with attachment parenting, it’s all still very taboo and hush hush. I hope the circle of mothers who parent this way grows so we can feel more supported in our choices. Thank you so much for reading, Danielle! ❤️
Your writing is going to help people…and I bet it’s helpful to you to put thoughts to “paper.”
It really is. This post definitely didn’t need to be so long but it helps to get it out there 😂 thank you again for reading, I really appreciate it. ❤️
I think it’s beautiful that you have, so early on in motherhood, discovered what you value and follow that without feeling conflicted or being judgemental/morally righteous towards others who choose another way.
In general I think it would be ideal if we could all decide to stop trying to put ways of parenting neatly into labeled boxes and instead just quietly do what feels right to us while allowing others to do the same, since I don’t think anyone will ever fit neatly into any box, no matter how it’s labeled.
THIS: if we could all decide to stop trying to put ways of parenting neatly into labeled boxes and instead just quietly do what feels right to us while allowing others to do the same.
You hit the nail on the head, I couldn’t agree more. Thank you so much for this and for reading so mindfully. <3
Similar choices here, especially around EBF up to 6m and nursing to sleep (2y and counting!) You’re not alone! The decision to put our babies fundamental needs front and center are not without cost, but are easy to make when we’re at peace with them. As long as it makes sense for you and your family, nobody else has anything to do with it.
1000%, the only thing that matters is what works for you and your family. Thank you so much for reading and sharing your experience, Helena!
Loved loved this Marina, and felt so much of it. Sometimes I wonder if the martyr mother trope was built to make mothers feel bad for prioritising against the “status quo” in a society that doesn’t support it well. As Jennie said — always here to remind you’re not alone in these choices — but my gosh do I appreciate it can be isolating! Big hugs 🤍
Thank you so much, Kiya! I know you’re another one of my mirrors when it comes to nurturing our babies endlessly. You just summed up my post in the most Kiya way and now I think we need a post from you on your perspective on the martyr mother vs the status quo 😉🫶
Mirror here for you! 3 years into this way of parenting. I didn't have a night away from my baby for 14m and that was fine for me, a season, which I mostly treasured although it was hard. No I can easily go away for a night, or two but mostly I don't want to. I still love cuddling my lad to sleep.
It's sounds like you're doing an excellent job of leaning in to what's right for you and your baby. Big love 💚
Thank you so much for sharing your experience! The ones that get it really get it and it’s so helpful to hear from other moms who have done it this way. I’m glad you’re slowly getting a little bit of freedom here and there. Thank you so much for the kind words and for reading. ❤️
Marina I felt all of this. We are in each others head this week. I am 2+ years down the line of mothering in this way. Please never feel alone in your parenting choices. If you ever need that validation - ya gurl is here for it! 🩷
I appreciate you so very much for that. When I write posts like this, I think, at least Jennie gets it. I can’t wait to read more about your perspective on this because I’ve only gone so far down this road, I don’t totally know what happens as my baby gets older and how all of this changes.
Thank you for being my mirror and my guide for what happy, healthy and loving looks like ❤️
As an introvert… I’m not sorry to say, that this mother who always went kicking and screaming to social events pre-children and that I almost always enjoyed immensely, snuggling with a baby at home is beyond compare. I send my social husband out in my stead too. I have carried a baby to weddings… and danced with my kids and husband at them into the night… some of the best memories are caught there. But I’ll take being covered by kids and reading a story aloud to them any day of the week… in fact, that’s what I love most about homeschooling them. But I outsource math and anything that involves arts and crafts. 😂🫠
It’s okay to be you, beautiful mama. I found a new pediatrician after having inane arguments with our old one. I take them to an integrative pediatric clinic now, and my own doctor is now a naturopathic doctor and one of the most fun and understanding, flexible women I’ve ever met. She regularly affirms my choice to breastfeed my toddler… which at this point is thinking will continue til she’s three - and she’s assured me that the milk changes with the little ones needs. Right up to six! (I can’t imagine that - but I’ll stick with it for now.) To each her own, I say. It’s very refreshing to read someone who even acknowledges that people are different. Because they are. We are an infinitely fascinating and diverse race, humans… if we can only stop to see and listen and enjoy with curiosity those differences rather than get defensive. I think you’re doing that well. And it’s admirable.
Thank you so much for reading this so thoughtfully, Brenna! Perhaps it’s time for me to find a new pediatrician because it’s so important to feel like our network understands and supports how we parent. I appreciate your kind words so much! ❤️
I love the confidence in this. You seem so grounded in this decision. I tried all sorts of things before realizing I needed to take a career pause and just be with my baby. Now I can’t imagine spending my days any other way. I would miss him so much. I feel like the way to be the best parent for our children is to listen to ourselves and intuition and shut out the noise.
We are yet to use a babysitter after about a year of parenthood, but I invite people over a lot. The outside world can wait, and having friends drop by and serving them takeout helps me feel connected to the world. I have new SAHM friends or acquaintances after a few months of working on it, but I don’t want to fully lose the connection to pre baby friends either.
Friendships in this season take work and I don’t believe anyone who says their social life didn’t change after having a baby. But real friends also don’t disappear just because you’re at your social capacity for a season of life. I love that you’re compromising by inviting friends over, that’s a great happy middle. And I’m sure the people who love you love watching you be a mom. ❤️
it’s hard here in NYC, when the norm is to outsource as much as possible — this piece really resonated, thank you ❤️
Thank YOU ❤️
I'm so sorry you haven't found local community who are also attachment parents—hoping for you that this essay will bring you some! Everything you described is totally normal and luckily for me as a mother, was normalized to me long before I ever became a parent. I have had friends who parent like me and friends who don't, but mostly, friends who do. Having a community of other cosleeping, breastfeeding moms who understand closeness and why it matters AND why it feels right certainly makes it a lot easier, especially in these early years. So really hoping that they find their way to you <3
Thank you so much, Carrie! The comments on this post have already given me so many new mirrors and a new circle of moms I wish I could surround myself with in real life. I really appreciate your kind words and I appreciate you sharing your experience! ❤️🥹
This is how I was, too. It's understandable and there will be nights out and things to do later. It's a short time in your life, and I get not wanting to leave a baby and worry about them needing you do you can say, go to a restaurant. The stakes don't feel the same.
Exactly, the stakes absolutely don’t feel the same. The parents who do it this way get it. Thank you for making me feel less alone in this parenting style. <3
I did a lot of the same things! It was hard for me to just shoehorn the baby into life and I didn’t love going out anyway. I will say, if you value your relationship with those who are inviting you out to things, you might want to say yes on occasion. Eventually they stop asking and you stop coming to mind when they plan stuff. Maybe you don’t care that much, maybe you’ll make new friends, maybe you are sure you can reconnect later. Losing touch is normal but sometimes you look around and wonder where did everyone go?
Totally get this! We’ve started to suggest plans that we know we can make it to so that we don’t become social hermits who never see anyone. We love going places during the day, just as long as we can all go. I’m all for saying yes, it just might be a different kind of yes than it hard to be, and ideally before 5pm lol. 🫶
Totally, do it earlier in the day. This is an underrated time to hang out. Things don’t only happen at night!
this was so beautiful. and brave. and generously informative. i'd never thought about parenting like this and i loved hearing how your fears, hesitations and hang-ups about this style of parenting were the same as mine. it was really eye-opening to learn how you've embraced what works for you and your family and how good that feels. it made me feel really happy for you too <3
Thank you so much! This style of parenting isn’t for everyone and there’s likely a hybrid version of all of this. Like so many have echoed in the comments, it’s all about what works for you and your family. Appreciate you! 🫶
Loved this read, Marina! really relate to the mix of joy and FOMO... something I literally grapple with everyday. I continue to admire how you’ve embraced this stage fully...knowing it won’t last. You are the best!
Thank you so much, Traci! And as my fellow introvert, let’s be real, we know we’re just really happy being home in our cozy pants. 😉
In BK and mothering in this way. Thank you for posting this!
Thank you so much for reading, I’m so glad you could relate too. We’re not alone ❤️
This made me feel seen as a mom of two. Everything is set aside just so I can raise my daughters. Thanks!
I’m so glad I could make you feel seen through this! Thank you for reading! ❤️