Agree with all. I am also a shitmum dot com. (A phrase my mum always said when I was growing up). And on the late bedtime - you are doing the right thing! As someone who would get so frustrated and ragey when my son would take AGES to go to sleep (2 hours sometimes!) it makes no sense to put yourselves through that! None at all!
If you are a bad mom then I'm pure evil! My 2.5 YO still uses a damn pacifier. I regularly queue up 30 minutes of storyline online (check it out on YouTube around age 2!) and my kids don't go to bed until 10:30 (they are just wired this way. None of my insistence in slowly working them towards "normal" bedtimes has worked for squat.
You're fine. I'm fine. None of us were supposed to parent this way - alone, far from a true village. The world is insane and we are all just doing our damn best.
Being a parent is so hard. Sooo hard. Who am I to judge. (Except antivaxxers. Sorry, I judge those people)
You said it best. None of us were supposed to parent this way and we’re all doing great. I appreciate you, Kate! Thank you for making me feel better about being a crappy mom. 😉❤️
Solidarity on the pacifier front. I actually *introduced* one to my toddler after she turned two because I wanted to wean her and she needed something to help her along. Now she's addicted. Bad mom.
The worst! 😉 that’s actually a very creative tactic! But truly, you’re supermom in my book juggling your kiddos the way you do. Any Queen Charlotte hack is good enough for me! ❤️
I’m right here in the “bad mom” trenches with you, Marina! But also… the horror of imagining ANYONE touching my baby’s pacifier, let alone commenting on it 😅😅 hell freaking no! If Swedes judge, they do it silently, and for that I’m grateful 🤣🤣 And anyone commenting on my baby being “too tan”??? My mind is blown away by all the ways the world can be a peculiar place 😂🙃 Anyways. Bad (slash normal) moms, unite! ✊
I’m really glad someone else said they don’t put their babies to bed at 7pm. I’ve never forced naps/bedtime. They sleep when they’re tired, and wake when they’re rested and this works well for us. I do feel heavily judged for that though.
I love this — here’s the hill I’ll die on, if the child is healthy, happy (mostly either the occasional natural fit of too big feelings thrown in) & loved, then you’re a great mama. The end. Motherhood is hard, there is no one way. That she feels safe, accepted & held is everything. Also lovely stab at a poem, if you weren’t into writing poetry before seems perhaps you could take a crack at spilling some more! Thanks for sharing this — love from a mama who’s nearly 9 month old has experienced plenty sun (ft. The shade dance) but as of yet no sunscreen cause I want to protect him from too much sun but also sunscreen is full of unpronounceable chemicals & I’m yet to concretise if it’s the sun or the chemicals I need to be protecting him from 😹🤍
Ugh, that struggle of sunscreen chemicals vs protecting baby skin is so annoyingly confusing! I’m currently researching clean sunscreen, I’ll report back. And I love the hill you’re describing, that’s a very good hill to die on. ❤️ I appreciate you reading and sharing your experience!
I got my kids silicone straws because I am a good mother (unlike you) and you know what happened Marina? They grew mold inside them and I had to throw them away. They were awful to clean and apparently I did a horrible job of it so maybe it is I who is the bad mother after all? You're the good one for eliminating mold risk. Go you!
I also do the shade dance whenever it's sunny as I'm bad at suncream, and because we need it so infrequently here I never trust that I've put it on right anyway. And I never, ever remember to take a water bottle, for any of us.
Haha yes, the never ship has sailed in our house, because everytime I think “I will never” , never is like, “sup girl, it’s meeeeee. Let’s do that thing you said you’d never do.” 😅
Awww that genuinely just brought a tear to my eye. That’s so important to remember when we feel like we’re screwing up — our moms felt this way too and we thought they were perfect. ❤️
Yes 🥹 I don’t remember the imperfections, I just remember her being there to take me to my recital and give me flowers after. The pressure we place on ourselves mentally should take a backseat to simply being there. Sending you hugs 🫶🏽
LOVE the honesty here! I’m so exhausted today & don’t have energy or patience. I normally do, but today is just too much. So here I am lying in the couch in my phone while my baby plays. Giving myself a FULL permission to chill & be ON my phone, lol.
Love the poem. And this piece is so relatable. I wrote something about being a Good Enough Mom, cause that’s all the kids actually need. Gotta relinquish the idea of what a great mom is and just embrace the good enough moms we are.
Oof, Marina!! This article is too good! And dare I say you ARE a poet because I found your poem at the end quite beautiful. ❤️
Your question to yourself about what a perfect mom looks like struck me so deeply that I went ahead and started writing out the version of a perfect mom my brain has subconsciously concocted for me to feel bad about. It’s quite the writing exercise!
If I actually get it out of the email I sent to myself about it and publish, I’ll be sure to link to this article as my inspo 🥰
Agree with all. I am also a shitmum dot com. (A phrase my mum always said when I was growing up). And on the late bedtime - you are doing the right thing! As someone who would get so frustrated and ragey when my son would take AGES to go to sleep (2 hours sometimes!) it makes no sense to put yourselves through that! None at all!
Definitely going to start saying shit mum dot com in our house, thank you for that ❤️
I believe science says we put our children too early to bed in the West. Also children have varying sleep needs.
Absolutely! Thanks for reading, Laura!
If you are a bad mom then I'm pure evil! My 2.5 YO still uses a damn pacifier. I regularly queue up 30 minutes of storyline online (check it out on YouTube around age 2!) and my kids don't go to bed until 10:30 (they are just wired this way. None of my insistence in slowly working them towards "normal" bedtimes has worked for squat.
You're fine. I'm fine. None of us were supposed to parent this way - alone, far from a true village. The world is insane and we are all just doing our damn best.
Being a parent is so hard. Sooo hard. Who am I to judge. (Except antivaxxers. Sorry, I judge those people)
You said it best. None of us were supposed to parent this way and we’re all doing great. I appreciate you, Kate! Thank you for making me feel better about being a crappy mom. 😉❤️
Solidarity on the pacifier front. I actually *introduced* one to my toddler after she turned two because I wanted to wean her and she needed something to help her along. Now she's addicted. Bad mom.
The worst! 😉 that’s actually a very creative tactic! But truly, you’re supermom in my book juggling your kiddos the way you do. Any Queen Charlotte hack is good enough for me! ❤️
Omg same with my oldest! He wouldn’t take a paci until I weaned him at about 2 years old.
Dentist says before 3 is fine so we’re good!
I’m right here in the “bad mom” trenches with you, Marina! But also… the horror of imagining ANYONE touching my baby’s pacifier, let alone commenting on it 😅😅 hell freaking no! If Swedes judge, they do it silently, and for that I’m grateful 🤣🤣 And anyone commenting on my baby being “too tan”??? My mind is blown away by all the ways the world can be a peculiar place 😂🙃 Anyways. Bad (slash normal) moms, unite! ✊
The world is a very silly place when you’re a parent and I agree, it blows my mind how people are willing to criticize parents 😂 bad mom solidarity! 🫶
I had the same thought about Californians. Happy to live in a land of silent judgement. New York nannies are too hardcore for me 😅
Hahaha they are indeed very hardcore 😅
I’m really glad someone else said they don’t put their babies to bed at 7pm. I’ve never forced naps/bedtime. They sleep when they’re tired, and wake when they’re rested and this works well for us. I do feel heavily judged for that though.
Let the judgement go, mama! We’re doing great! The 7pm bedtime is bologna in my opinion. 🫶 appreciate you reading and sharing your experience!
I love this — here’s the hill I’ll die on, if the child is healthy, happy (mostly either the occasional natural fit of too big feelings thrown in) & loved, then you’re a great mama. The end. Motherhood is hard, there is no one way. That she feels safe, accepted & held is everything. Also lovely stab at a poem, if you weren’t into writing poetry before seems perhaps you could take a crack at spilling some more! Thanks for sharing this — love from a mama who’s nearly 9 month old has experienced plenty sun (ft. The shade dance) but as of yet no sunscreen cause I want to protect him from too much sun but also sunscreen is full of unpronounceable chemicals & I’m yet to concretise if it’s the sun or the chemicals I need to be protecting him from 😹🤍
Ugh, that struggle of sunscreen chemicals vs protecting baby skin is so annoyingly confusing! I’m currently researching clean sunscreen, I’ll report back. And I love the hill you’re describing, that’s a very good hill to die on. ❤️ I appreciate you reading and sharing your experience!
I got my kids silicone straws because I am a good mother (unlike you) and you know what happened Marina? They grew mold inside them and I had to throw them away. They were awful to clean and apparently I did a horrible job of it so maybe it is I who is the bad mother after all? You're the good one for eliminating mold risk. Go you!
I also do the shade dance whenever it's sunny as I'm bad at suncream, and because we need it so infrequently here I never trust that I've put it on right anyway. And I never, ever remember to take a water bottle, for any of us.
Ooooops.
If you’re doing all of these things too, we can be shite mothers together. ❤️❤️
Oooh these are so good! You can catch me and my toddlers vibing at 9:30pm most days, literally no regrets, I love it!
That hour seems totally fine! Seriously, who decided 7pm for toddlers was a law. Glad I’m not the only one! ❤️
I think you are the best mom! 🤪❤️
Awww shucks, thank you so much! I appreciate you reading this one! ❤️ we’re all pretty spectacular moms as far as I’m concerned 🫶
You have me laughing out loud. My son is 20 months old and he still has a pacifier — never will I have say “we will never” 😂
Haha yes, the never ship has sailed in our house, because everytime I think “I will never” , never is like, “sup girl, it’s meeeeee. Let’s do that thing you said you’d never do.” 😅
My mom had four kids and I’m sure felt so many of these emotions you describe but I just remember her being there for me. 🫶🏽
Awww that genuinely just brought a tear to my eye. That’s so important to remember when we feel like we’re screwing up — our moms felt this way too and we thought they were perfect. ❤️
Yes 🥹 I don’t remember the imperfections, I just remember her being there to take me to my recital and give me flowers after. The pressure we place on ourselves mentally should take a backseat to simply being there. Sending you hugs 🫶🏽
Thank you, Bethany. I love all of this. ❤️ sending you hugs right back.
LOVE the honesty here! I’m so exhausted today & don’t have energy or patience. I normally do, but today is just too much. So here I am lying in the couch in my phone while my baby plays. Giving myself a FULL permission to chill & be ON my phone, lol.
Yes! Resting and doing nothing is productive! Thank you so much for reading, so glad it resonated! :)
This was so refreshing. Wow thank you!
I’m so glad you enjoyed it! Thank you for reading ❤️
And also none of that makes you a bad Mom. It’s giving we do the best we can energy. Which actually makes you a great mom 💜
Thank you so much, Christy!
Hello from a fellow bad mom. My no-nos aren’t all the same but right there with you. Let’s reframe to Bad Ass Moms?!
I like it! Thank you so much for reading!
Love the poem. And this piece is so relatable. I wrote something about being a Good Enough Mom, cause that’s all the kids actually need. Gotta relinquish the idea of what a great mom is and just embrace the good enough moms we are.
Thank you so much for reading, I’m so glad it’s relatable! :)
Loved it! Many of the “bad things” we do will probably become our children’s favorite moments and core memories ❤️
This is so true! Breaking the rules only gets more fun as they get older! ❤️
“I’m afraid my best is the best I can do.”
Oof, Marina!! This article is too good! And dare I say you ARE a poet because I found your poem at the end quite beautiful. ❤️
Your question to yourself about what a perfect mom looks like struck me so deeply that I went ahead and started writing out the version of a perfect mom my brain has subconsciously concocted for me to feel bad about. It’s quite the writing exercise!
If I actually get it out of the email I sent to myself about it and publish, I’ll be sure to link to this article as my inspo 🥰